My heart is a steady soliloquy of drumbeats banging out the same tune over and over: I want it to be you. In a million languages, dead and alive, in Morse code, in the language only the stars understand. If you tore my chest open you would find it written in the Braille of Longing, punched all over my ribs and heart, spiraling across every bone. You would find it etched in hieroglyphs and Arabic calligraphy across all my neuronal pathways. I am a dying girl and you are the antidote to death. If you could, would you be mine forever?
I dream of you every night,
And it’s always the same;
You sneak into my semi conscious brain
With the subtle footsteps
Of foamy seawaves on a very windy day,
But, that’s okay,
I mean, writing you love letters before I even knew you existed?
I might not know what subtle is,
But if you open the dictionary to the word that’s the opposite of it,
You’re gonna find my picture.
See, you visited me one night,
So is it really my fault if I only sleep in hopes that you will maybe once again?
But I only catch glimpses of your shadow here and there,
I chase your footsteps across the ruins of my mind,
And I think I’m only going around forming crop circles in the blue flower fields.
But then, I wake up in the mornings to 4 PM sunbeams, golden and lovely, scattered all over my pillows and on my cheeks,
And really, I think you need to stop playing this hide and seek with me,
Just drop over into my reality the way I drop my pencils all over the place,
And believe me, love, I’ll draw you like it’s the only thing I’ve ever lived for,
Because that’s true,
And I’ll make you my best masterpiece.
Just the way you are.
I sleep with the nightlight on these days,
And my father looked at me like he didn’t know who I was anymore the next morning
After he saw the faint light peek out under my door one night,
But you change me into someone I never knew I wanted to be,
And I’m here waiting for you with my nightlight on,
In hopes that maybe if you sneak by into my dreams again,
I’ll wake up with your laughter streaked across my eyelids,
In hopes that maybe I’ll see it clearer,
Remember it this time,
Sew your crescent lips into the dark split seconds of each blink,
Hold it close every time the world goes black.
Image found on Tumblr.
I will die
If you don’t come home.
You left so long ago,
I have forgotten your face
And your eyes are blurred in my mind now,
But my soul remembers, I swear it does
And it calls for you-
Sings you lullabies to pull you home,
Strews cherry blossoms in the spring
And dead leaves in the winters
To guide you back
Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten
My voice across the winds,
Don’t tell me you don’t know
Where the golden light leads to
What is it you’ve found
That holds your heart so strong,
You will not leave it to come back home,
What holds you so tight,
The waves cannot bring you back to my shore?
My city is in ruins,
It was only ever made for two,
But I cannot own it alone
And the winds have blown so hard to bring you back to me,
The other half of my city has flown to you too.
What is left of a city when nothing remains?
It only ever belonged to you.
So forget, love,
This city is gone,
These ruins remember nothing;
I would not blame you
If you have forgotten me too
Because I’m in a city that was made for two,
But both halves of it have blown away to you
And I’m left in a desert
Where the earth has never known rain
But it longs for water from what it remembers
Of the ocean that once covered it.
Maybe this is the curse
That comes with my desert city,
That both land and keeper long
For that which has abandoned us.
Image credits: Matt Lief Anderson