Blood and tears and sweat mix again tonight, even though it’s January, even though it’s cold out here, or so they say; I cannot feel the chilly night blanketing me in its embrace, I cannot feel the moonbeams as they dance across everything they fall on, today, all I can do is sit here with blood and tears and sweat mixing together, I have no control over myself anymore. It feels as if my mind is turning off, and maybe it is, maybe it should.
It might be my only chance at peace anymore.
Oh, how I long for oblivion, to be forgotten, or remembered forever, to get away from all of this, and most importantly you, the demon who only plays with my sanity, leading me on ruthlessly.
Every minute I spend with you is like playing Russian Roulette with myself; you whisper sweet nothings and alleviate my fears one second, and the very next, you pull away, leaving me clutching at empty air. You do this, all the while telling me you’re only a demon, and I refuse to believe that adamantly, I close my eyes and turn blind to you as you cut through my mind and my soul, I turn blind to you as you feed, because in my heart, I do not feel demons could be ever so grey, and yet so colorful. You remind me of a kaleidoscope in those few moments you let me in.
I know it is but an illusion, I know my heart is but a fool, but then when has someone ever willingly opened their eyes to the reality around them, and when have I been an exception to the world?
So I sit here in these few moments when I’m jerked back to reality, but soon I will fall asleep, I can already feel the pills slowing the blood from racing in my veins so loudly it keeps me up at night, soon I will sleep, and tomorrow I will turn a blind eye to your games again, because my dear, when have I ever missed a chance to hurt myself?
When have I ever lost faith in you as you stand in front of me?
Image taken from here.