Guilt-ridden Hallucinations.

The other night my dear, as I lay down to sleep, this heart of mine stopped beating for a second or two as your image burnt through my mind and your laughter haunted my ears; I wheezed for breath but it felt like my throat had constricted until there was no passage for air.
I coughed and coughed in a desperate attempt for air until scarlet droplets covered the white-tiled floor by my feet and my head felt as light as it would whenever I breathed in your scent, it felt like the guilt of your death would finally crush me, but just then the door burst open and he rushed in, worry evident in his familiar pretty eyes as he took in my tortured state, blood painting my lips red.
He helped me to my feet and then to the bathroom with a firm and gentle grip, and handed me an aspirin and a glass of water after I had rinsed the blood out of my mouth, just like you always did.
There was an uncanny similarity between you and he, I saw it in the way he took the glass from me and set it down on the side table, little too close to the edge, before following me out to the balcony and in the way he swatted the lit cigarette away from my lips and crushed it viciously under his heel, directing a disapproving look at me.
I couldn’t take it anymore, the similarity, it was too much and I started laughing.
I laughed and laughed and laughed, and it was the laugh of a crazed mind, a mad woman.

You would not stop torturing me from even beyond the grave itself, it seemed.

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Golden Destruction.

Midas turned all he touched to gold, but he ruined it, all the while thinking he was turning it into something better.

Isn’t that what we all do?

Pick everything apart, and try to put it together again in a form better to us than the last, but we forget that the pieces do not fit together perfectly, and we leave disappointed, the person, a puzzle, unable to comprehend what has happened.

Until one day, they meet someone who is able to put back the pieces where they belonged, and the person is finally complete again after being taken apart and put together again countless times; this is the song of life that we are all forced to dance to, regardless of whether we like it or not.


Image taken from: Tsuneaki Hiramatsu

 

Fatal Ambedo.

I don’t know what to do and it’s killing me,

I’m stuck in this ambedo,

But it’s too late,

The blade has slashed too deep this time

And I can only watch

As the liquid of life

Seeps out in rivulets,

Turning the white floor

A vivid scarlet.

I cannot move,

Or maybe I don’t want to;

Vision spotty,

Breathing a Herculean task now,

Arms wide open,

Welcoming sweet oblivion.

Door slams to my left,

Bursting in,

You run to me,

I smile in contentment,

Laughter bubbles out,

As you try to stop

My blood from spilling over,

But it’s too late for me now,

As the darkness engulfs me,

After a long, long time,

I am home.

 

 

Sweet Oblivion.

Kiss the bullet, load the gun,
Shot to the head, looks like I’m done.
Crimson splatters the wall behind,
A final torture as the memories rewind.
I see me, I see you,
I see how it all started too,
The abrupt end to a fairy tale,
The moment right when we hit the rail,
I was naive, to believe we would last,
Ever more naive, to think I had your heart,
We lost touch, you kept me at bay,
For my folly, I had to pay,
Haunted by ghosts, day and night,
I slept in hopes of ending my plight,
Only, that you plagued my dreams too,
You pushed me off sanity, into madness blue.
My demons all awoke, hungrier than ever,
They grew up strong, fed by my despair,
But today I’d had enough, I took back control,
Pulling the trigger, I let the memories roll,
Till the reel had run out with a last explosion,
And I lost myself in sweet oblivion.

Wrong Perception.

Tears on my pillow,

Blood on the floor,

And then he says,

He loves me more.

A weird sense of love,

Does my darling maintain,

All I wanted was his heart,

All I got were tear stains.

My love has a habit

Of in a single breath,

Saying that he loves me

And burning me down to death.

A unique bond we have

He and I

One couldn’t be more careless with words,

The other ready to die.

Why does he disappear

Every other night,

When the steel kisses my wrists

And I can’t see the light?

In the mornings he returns,

And vanish away my fears,

He has different scents around him,

I’m too drunk to care.

All I feel is relief;

Now you see kid?

It is dangerous to fall in love,

It is too harmful a bid.

Do not believe in what

The fairy tales say,

Love isn’t happiness and smiles,

It is darkness and grey.