Hummingbird Heart.

You’ve made a stranger out of me in my own city,
made these hills into pieces of jagged earth left behind
in the aftermath of something terrible that once happened,
jagged like my teeth,
broken on all the screams I have been holding back 
since you silenced me.
cruel boy, 
you made a hummingbird out of a clay heart 
just to set it on fire.
now everyday, I wake up dripping with quicksand sadness.
every night, I dream myself into a little boat,
capsize in the middle of the ocean without a sound,
capsize into my shame,
capsize into the song of the banshee inside my head.
cruel boy,
do you remember when you promised to stay forever,
or was that another flimsy pretty thing I dreamed up?
I see in holograms, unsure of what is real these days,
and I agree, the world is ending,
but why can’t anyone else notice the knife you left in my neck?
I’ve been bleeding for days and days.
darling boy,
I know the world is ending and you won’t turn back,
but I hope you’re okay,
wherever your cruel heart takes you.


Image credits

Hope everyone’s safe. 🙂

I Should’ve Known Better.

I swore on the grave of all the dreams I had abandoned, I wouldn’t let you get to me. I swore on the sun and I swore on the moon, and I swore on the love that made them chase each other across the heavens- the sadness would never find a home in my ribs again. I promised myself that I would wait for you, I’d wait for as long as I had to because I knew, I knew you were coming and I promised myself I wouldn’t doubt you.

But the sadness is here again now, breaking down my door, and you are not. And I’m left sitting here in resignation, wondering if you ever even really existed, if you weren’t just a figment of my desperation, I’m left sitting here counting down the ticks and tocks of this old dusty clock until the sadness floods in to smother me; I am left sitting here, craving my own end, and thinking ‘God, I should’ve known better than to let a dream wreck me like this. I should’ve known better.’