I know it’s so troublesome to think about right now, that in less than 3 months you’ll probably never see him again, but oh, my dear, you’ll get through it. I know it feels so much harder to hold on to this tiny ledge, and so much easier to just let go, fall off into the gray mist of insanity, with these the only thoughts in your mind, asleep or awake, ticking off second by second.
It’s a goddamn time bomb, and we both know that when it bursts, the shrapnel will only bury itself deeper into your rotten brain and bleeding heart, but you will get through it all. You will get through even if it seems so much easier to let out all your agony in bloody rivulets dripping down your arms, it is much easier, letting your tired heart rest forever now, but no. You have things to do before that can happen, lives to change, lives to save. So you will trudge on, breath by breath, even if your lungs feel like they’re filled to the brim with muddy murk, until one day, it’ll be gone.
Or maybe it won’t.
Maybe, for every day for the rest of your life, you’ll have to wake up with the murk suffocating you, and you will have no choice but to get used to it, breaking down every night when it gets too much, when you miss him beyond thoughts, when you hate him for ruining the world for you. But every morning, you’ll put on that mask again, and act as if the world’s still pure. You have no other choice.
And if the thought gets too much?
Let yourself remember.
Let yourself break all over again, just for those few moments of exhilaration.
Sometimes you need to remain broken. I’ve heard its good for art.
Because we both know, there’s no way in Elysium or Tartarus that you’ll ever be able to forget him, his passions, his dreams, his smile, him.
Image taken from Tumblr.